Friendships are hard

September 10th:

There are some people I really would like to be closer friends with, but nothing happens unless I put in the work. I know this is half my fault, but when I ask to spend time with people every single time and they never ask back, I feel like they’re just being too nice to say no to me. My social anxiety requires some reciprocation from people, or else I just feel like crap even when we do hang out.

Most of the people I’m talking about I asked the last several times, and stopped asking early this year. None of them have reached out. I wasn’t doing this out of pettiness, I’m just tired emotionally and can’t handle doing the work alone anymore. It makes me so sad though. I really want to be friends with them.

I feel like I’ve lost so much. I usually hold onto things and people with an iron grip and now I can’t because I don’t have any energy. I know I shouldn’t be so clingy, but I’m so easily forgotten and so afraid of being forgotten.

I’m not sure why I’m so upset right now.

*     *     *     *     *

September 16th:

I had to write a letter of introduction for my English class, and I figured I could post it here:

“Hello to everyone in [English class]!

My name is [Walgo]! I’m non-binary, and my pronouns are they/them or he/him. If they/them pronouns are confusing to you, it’s like how you talk when you don’t know someone’s gender. For example: “Someone left their coat, I hope they come back for it.”

I’m in my first year of Bachelor of Communication Studies. I’m hoping to be an editor one day! I used to be passionate about fiction writing, but I got writer’s block after a difficult creative writing class in high school and I haven’t written fiction or decent poetry since then. That’s quite a long time ago since I’m now 25. However, I’m still very interested in writing as a career, hence my focus in editing and publishing!

I write a personal blog, and have recently started a sort of spoof review blog that some of my friends read. I write real reviews with my actual feelings about the item in question, but I make them ridiculously serious with over-the-top descriptions while I’m reviewing silly things like a specific flavour of chips. I think that’s a pretty good way to understand my personality.

I love Halloween! It’s my favourite holiday, and I always decorate my home in early September in anticipation. I’ve read many of Stephen King’s novels, and I’m a big fan, but I haven’t read some of his most famous work, like ‘It’ or ‘The Shining.’ I play a lot of older Nintendo video games for the N64 and GameCube. I love painting, but I’ve also taken up cross stitching lately and I like how easy it is to do while watching shows. I spend a lot of time playing board games with my friends as well.

I hope we all have a great term together!

-[Walgo]”

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