Dysphoric

Yesterday I did laundry. My mom wanted to go for a walk while my clothes were drying, so I wore a bra instead of a binder (for the first time in a long time). She called me “she” on the walk. Today at work a customer kept calling me “sister” and I felt so upset I had to try to stop myself from crying. My dysphoria is so bad, I think about coming out at work every day on my way there, even though I plan on quitting my job in September. I need to get top surgery. I need to get a legal name change. I need to change my gender marker. I’m considering using the male gender marker. It would make my life easier. I need to get on testosterone. They’ve become needs now. It’s 33°C and I’m still binding. I can’t stand to not bind.

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